I found it hard to be pretend
that my heart was still beating
and these eyes had something to look forward to.

I found hard when you were at an end
and i wasn't, at all.
I always thought things were meant to last.

I found that I couldn't smile the same
after I had stared and smiled at you,
for so long.

Now, I clutch at my chest
and think back to that smile
whenever I see you around.

wash away

Rain mixes with the dusty windshield.
making mud for all those to see.
or just for those brave enough to look.
how many times can you say sorry,
until the tears finally dry up?

When it all washes over,
and everywhere has started again.
where will you be?

falling

Brush her off because you don't care anymore.
borrow sundown; but you couldn't, could you?
held on tight but not tight enough.
Let go and down went everything bright you ever had.

rolled over and noticed things are much colder and darker this way,
pull the covers tight and wish it all fell away.

no trust for no eye

My third eye is drying up
my heart is rotting inside this bodies coffin
a man held his glass eye
and told me he could see this happening

i couldn't believe him. and I wouldn't.

who could trust a man that couldn't see?

"crash and burn"
that's what he said.
Crashed and burned.
that's what we did.

Hi

Well, I never post on bluebirds anymore. Or even blogspot.

if you like pictures
Love&Sick
if you like gray/black&white
Girl in Grey
if you like typography
the type of girl

I haven't written in over a month.

i'll update with older stuff.

A mountain can turn to dust,
Just as a heart can turn to coal.
With my self as the timber,
And your lies as the fire,
We will paint this canvas.
Place the mask over that which you hope to disguise.
Cover it with black,
and black,
and black,
and black.
Leave no white for it is your non existence,
A statement against unity.

I am so insignificant,
In this steel coffin built of metal,
and bolts,
and hate,
and uncertainty.
Bury me deep.
A tiny morsel amongst mountains of dirt.
Give me a window. My constant reminder of a
Never ending silence.
Give me a door, it's grainy texture
Painted red.
So that when I resurface, I may exit.
Only upon leaving such a depth does one realize.
You can never go home again,
You can never go home again.

2006

In your hands, I commit my soul
Release the grip of death on my life
Sweet anointing, flood your waters
Unleash the dam of my heart
Reach within the depths of those treacherous waters
Thrust your power upon the damage done
Crush these imperfections
Put the deadness to rest

Arise, evoke, waken my soul
Lay me in the miry clay
Restore my inner being

Hot iron upon the flesh
Brand me in the name of He
He who died and rose again
The sears in his wrists impressed upon my own
Blood seeping down my face
The warmth upon my cheeks
The warmth of your sacrifice

It is Done.

I have moved

System of Empty Promises (I Exist)

I'll guide you towards the light
Of the chosen, truly pure
A place where rotten ideas roam free
With imprisonment inside a system of empty promises
Ten ideals broken for all to see

Depend on nothing
The truth is free
Unveil the cover up
Welcome only open minds

Let self reign self
and kneel to no master
through sheer defiance
is the abolishment of deceit
defy hear say and spoken mistruth
towards the answers to lies forever told

let us reveal the skeltons that
their system has been hiding from us for centuries
show the world the light on this hidden path
to a society that above ground has killed
and slaughtered more men than
we could ever save from conversion

Stained.

Every time I think of you
I remember who I used to be

Never again will I be that person
Never again will I be so free.

Suddenly feel so much older
but not wiser
so uninterested in everything
and I'm sorry

I am not your friend
or at least...
one not worth having

To answer your question
why i don't like photographs...

I would have rather not existed...


and I'm sorry.

To be...

To be nothing without tragedy
To be nothing at all
To be lost
To be alone
To have this heart of stone
To be, no more

fiction

I have the fiction
hidden inside my basement
writing on its heaving chest
trying to resuscitate

something old
with
something newer

then my headaches begin
for so long, I ache
inching each stitch of words
in and out

I cannot leave without finishing this
before I can
step up that staircase
of my happiness

peel through the cellar door
leave the heaviness down
dragging out through the collar bones
and out through the nape of my neck

escape
me.
escaping this
monster inside
my basement

I, the feline

I am the creator.
the feline
beneath the trees and sunshine
leaves fall
I play beyond the wind
& it carries me
to you

familiar tides

Leagues of demons below my feet,
many miles under the sea,
resurfacing imminent,
how is one to keep them at bay?

The faces of lost loves and hells hounds,
all look the same,
they all tell me not to stare,
but I cannot look away.

Starting to remember each ones story now,
and how they achieved a place in my memory.

Starting to remember each ones faults now,
and how they achieved a place in the very back of my mind.

Hatred and Love,
Confusion and Fear,
Familiarities and Bad Experiences,
all rolling forward in sets of deep dark waves,
am I going roll with them or sink beneath the undertow?

sachet

Crimson pockets
dig deeper than any other
they're only this colour
because of bruised and bleeding hands

I've been picking at the fingers of
how many I've fallen out of love with,
but never into.

I will hide them when you are around, though.
Don't you dare see
something that
could ruin your thoughts
about me

Shove them down the pockets throat
careful now
below the surface
there's something ugly.

Snow Globe

Inside this tiny snow globe,
snowflakes rest on my eyelids
making them heavier to lift
they say "don't go today"
and I won't (not today)
there isn't much purpose going outside
only to notice nothing has changed (again)
I want to be inside your arms,
only to feel strong as you are.
shake me up and down,
see how much life I could live.

I fly

My eyes fly faster than what they may be able to see.
A lot of time should be invested in these things,
these people, places, and memories
am I just flying by?

A birds eye view of the life inside me
I am missing something, I really should touch down soon
do I feel anything, any more?
avoiding these opportunities,
just riding on my insecurities.

Unannounced we have storms
in my head, they rage
my hands tighten as wind tugs at my feet
shaping around the bouquet of feathers in my hands
I'm flying through this
it isn't easy, I didn't expect that

fly &
I fall
I'm falling,
head first,
into the ground.

The ground is where I belong
hopefully I'll take my time
on the way down.
I'm weighing myself down.
I just need to trust.

hopes and unachievable dreams

A pedestal with four points of particular interest,
takes my interest and plagues my mind day by day,
I cherish the thought of someday being graced by one of these interests,
but I know deep down this will not occur.

Why is a person who is seen as strong,
is sometimes weaker than those who are known as cowards?
It requires much strength to get over a mountain,
but a molehill is sometimes a far greater climb.

When will a simple path show the light of day?
When will answers be provided for the few who have done little wrongs?
For the few that have done little wrongs in their time,
I hate you for having minimal flaws,
flaws are what make us human,
and at the same time keep us from finding bliss.